I've tried to stop thinking about him...
I know this is super lame, but I've been having fantasies about him even in my sleep...
Our next class is Wednesday night. I've stalked the hell out of his facebook page. I kind of started to develop a jealousy of his wife and kids.

I feel like when he said he loved me, it was probably platonic... But I can't help but feel like maybe he likes me. I usually get nervous when men call me, "good girl" or "dear", but for some reason, when he calls me those, I feel excited.

I want to message him on Facebook to let him know that I really enjoyed his show. I keep rewinding (in my head) back to the night of the show when he hugged me and told me that it meant a lot to him that I came. I felt special when he said that.. but maybe he says that to all of his students? I dunno.

I'm looking forward to Wednesday night... I don't know if he really does feel that I am special, and that's why he told me it meant loads to him that I went to his show... Or if he's just been a theater jock for so long that he's always acting. I just love being around him.. He's so funny and sweet.

I can't stop fantasizing about him. I don't know why, I mean.. I think he's cute, but he's like (at least) 45-50 years old. I'm in my very early 20s.

@eskielover
I don't know if it's the "father" figure I am looking for... I already have a dad and he's awesome. I've never been deprived of a father figure in my life... I usually don't fall for older men... This is a first for me. I especially usually never fall for someone in authority.

I have been taken advantage of by people in authority too many times... I didn't immediately fall for my teacher, it was after a few classes when I realized that I had feelings for him. I mentioned something and made him laugh and he said, "I love you!" and gave me a hug.

My group therapist told me that I shouldn't hug men that I am unfamiliar with, or barely know. It's just not "polite". So when my teacher offered to hug me, I accepted. When he noticed me coming into the theater, he hugged me. During the intermission, he came and sat by me and hugged me again... Then when I left the theater, he gave me a hug again and that's when he said, "I'm so glad you came! It means so much to me!"

I think I might be reading too deeply into it... He's probably just a theater jock who is touchy-feely by nature. I don't know! I feel so lost... I want to be with him, I want to spend more time with him... But he has a whole damn family. I don't want to ruin that... I feel like I am getting mixed signals from him, though. On one half of my brain, he *likes* me and is into me. On the other half, he's just being a friendly, theater teacher....