I took the opportunity and finally cut as i wanted. it was all super controlled, i knew what i was doing and there wasnt much blood. i would have preferred a deeper cut, more blood and a longer cut but after months i didnt SHd i thought i was doing a quite good job, also because i was scared of having to go to ER and having to get stitched. often i'd love that but being just put out of IP i thought it was safer this way.

anyway, the point is that even if i cut as i wanted and i had the full control, but i felt shame, something i never felt before. maybe because i was betraying all the people who tried to help me, i dont know, and im also not sure i'll be able to keep the cut secret for long, or long enough to fade away and make them believe its an old one...