Saw pdoc, kept on the lower dose of Wellbutrin. He wants me to gain more weight by the next appointment or it’s Remeron or the hospital. I f***ing hate Remeron. I am never full at all on it, and all I can do on it is eat and sleep. Last time I was on it didn’t go so well as it flipped my tendencies from anorexia to bulimia, and I told him that. I have actually gained a couple pounds though, but I unfortunately added a couple pounds to my weight the last time the pdoc asked what it was, and he made me use his scale this time around. It was stupid to pad out the number out last time since all I did was push this lecture 2 weeks into the future. Today’snumber would have looked better if he had weighed me outright last time instead of just asking my weight. The number should be better next time I see him since he now does have my actual weight, not padded out, and I have been very good about not exercising, trying to eat enough, and also napping quite a bit.

IDK, I must have looked bad or something this morning too as H told me to take care of myself today when he left, and that is not something he usually says in the morning to me before leaving for work. Maybe I am just looking tired. That did happen to me with ED recovery the first time around when most of the ED was due to overexercise versus restricting, and I stopped exercising pretty much altogether. I got so, so exhausted. It was like my body suddenly physically felt the cumulative effects of all those miles run, and I was exhausted and slept a lot. I am not sure if that is starting to happen again (that was 1 or 2 weeks the first time around but I was also much worse off, both weight wise and amount of time spent exercising). Could also be due to lowering the dose of Wellbutrin, but I was on this dose a good while and didn’t feel this tired on it before. But maybe the dosage change is enough, to go from 300 mg to 150mg.

My right hand hurts pretty bad from Saturday. That was the day H had me to call the pdoc about the forgetfulness. Pdoc said to take a lower dose of Wellbutrin in the morning, but I had already taken the higher dose that morning, so I couldn’t do anything about what I had already taken. I was cooking dinner that evening, took a pan out of the oven, flipped the pieces of garlic toast I had been cooking, said something to my daughter or H, and then completely forgetting the pan was hot, picked it back up to put into the oven without wearing oven mitts. I burned both my hands, but the right one much worse. The burn blister popped, and it’s in an area of the hand not easily bandaged or kept dry, but it hurts. I have been putting aloe vera on it and an antibiotic ointment at night. I haven’t had bad memory issues again, but it has only been a couple of days, and Saturday I really set the bar low, tons of other forgetful stuff, but burning myself because of forgetting to wear oven mitts was the worst. I had actually meant to tell the pdoc when I saw him 2 weeks ago I was having issues with distraction and short term memory, but I forgot.