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Mouse_ said:
I suddenly became very aware that I avoid living in the real world in a proper way, and that if I were to die last night my greatest regret was the wall I have around me that prevents me from feeling love that is available to me in my real life and all the stuff in my head means nothing in your last hour.

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Wow! Although I was not physically feeling ill last night or thinking about death, I was feeling the same regret.

I was asked yesterday why I don't show inner myself to people. I replied that I don't want them to know something that can be used against me at some point. She asked has that ever happened? I said no because I don't give them anything use against me. She asked then, how do you know it will happen if it never has? I thought and simply said, "I guess because if my childhood friends knew that I was afraid of the dark, they would eventually stuff me in dark hole the next time they felt like it." I said I knew it was stupid to think like this as an adult, but I guess I still do.