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Originally Posted by Skull&Crossbones
I experience this too. I have a lot of triggers. One of the biggest is the piece of “advice” that no one will love me because I don’t love myself. Whether it’s technically true or not, it’s such an unbelievably cruel thing to say to someone who’s depressed and has no self-esteem. Might as well skip the middle part and just say I’m unlovable. It’s the same thing, but people have to add that it’s my fault and I should feel guilty about it.
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These are big triggers for me, too. I hate that whole "you can't love yourself if you don't love yourself first" statement. It sounds very victim blaming, if that makes sense. It just makes people who have depression feel guilty, you're right. I've always felt like it was my fault that I haven't been able to find someone who loves me in the way I would like. I also get upset when people get things way easier than I (and others I care about) have (or am still trying to get). I think, "I fight so hard so how come I don't get the same results?" I hear you. I really do.
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Originally Posted by ptangptang
Sorry i didn't mean to trivialise the meaning for you. I agree it is a tactless thing to say to someone who is already in the slough of despair. It's one of those pat phrases that people say like 'what have you got to be depressed about' or' think positive' or 'snap out of it'. maybe they don't know what else to say In that case say nothing.
I'm still pretty depressed and had a long chat with ' the samaritans' last night. 1hr 11m. Does it help. Yeah i guess , a bit. Ok best wishes with your struggle.
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I agree with that 100%. Many people just say the first thing that comes out of their mouth, and usually it's something that's stereotypical, something that everyone says. I think this comes from a lack of empathy and/or emotional capacity. I think the same thing. If you don't know what to say, don't say anything at all or just straight up say, "I don't know what to say but I genuinely am here for you". I wish you all the best.
