(If this is the wrong forum to post this, I apologize. I am willing to move it)

I have a few questions relating to my good friend’s behavior in her current relationship which I think may be slightly abusive.

Right now, they are doing a long distance relationship that started this summer, but before that they dated the whole school year before he graduated. I don’t want to blame or shame her at all, but I’ll put this in just because it might be relevant, but they did sleep together the first night they met and since that day last August, she basically moved into his on campus apartment. They didn’t really do the traditional dates and just went straight to living together.

In the beginning of their relationship, she talked about how she felt insecure because he often talked about his exes and other women he’s slept with, including a model. However, she told me this behavior did stop, unfortunately, other things got worse.

I noticed on a video call with her that he belittled her a bit and forcibly made her hang up with me since he said it was rude she wasn’t giving him any attention. There have been many nights where she’s cried about things he’s said. I asked how often those rude comments come up and she admitted this was a daily thing and told me that she thinks she’s too sensitive then. I did say it was a problem if she was feeling that way at least everyday with him. Additionally, he refused to apologize when he doesn’t agree that he did anything wrong so I took that as another huge red flag. While she definitely recognized these were emotionally abusive behaviors, even going as far to say he hit like 28 of 30 she read on an article, she never did break up with him.

As well, for a while they were engaging in completely unprotected sex recently in her getting pregnant and subsequently having an abortion. However this was during winter break where she choose to visit his family for a month and couldn’t get the procedure done during that time. When they returned to our campus, she was understandably exhausted and tried sleeping, but he prevented her from doing so because he deemed it rude. She cried and called me thinking he wasn’t going to take her to the clinic the next morning, but he changed his mind.

They’ve had ongoing problems like this for a while with horrible arguments between them. He does something rude, she cries and becomes insecure, and then he in no way offers to comfort her. One time he physically grabbed her chin in place during an argument. I’ve tried telling her this is textbook abuse behavior and while she says she agrees, she never ends the relationship.

Fast forward to now, she says their long distance has actually done quite a good thing to their relationship as their able to take breaks from one another and enjoy each other more. Although they do visit occasionally.

Side note, when she went to see him, she found nude pictures of another woman on his phone and he claimed that it was his friend who sent them and she had only asked him to judge the aesthetic quality of the image, not to solicit for sex. Which I believe is a total lie.

However now he came back to visit our campus again and she’s claiming they had an amazing time where he apologized for his problems and is now supporting her in her career choices. She said he’s even encouraging her to seek therapy.

So my question now is basically, could it be true that he’s actually changed or is this just following the cycle of abuse over again? And if so, why does she keep believing him? As a friend, should I be prepared for another instance of extreme hurt coming from him?

I have no more plans to convince her that this is a bad relationship as I just don’t see it as working. She’s lost a few friends over her inability to break up with this guy and I don’t want to be another. I’m just not sure whether to believe her at this point in her account of how things are improving.

Lastly, if he really is abusive like I think, what is the point of continuing a long distance relationship? Why wouldn’t he find another victim physically close?

Any answers relating to the psychology of this would be extremely helpful.

(Also, sorry for the length)