Thanks. I appreciate you read my threads.
Yes, itīs correct she knew about the rules and the limit but along the way she said to me that she was employed within the church and by that she could plan her own week. But I think that was mostly some kind of wishful thinking or a way for her to justify that she kept going and not putting an end to it in time.
Also, she wasnīt supposed to give therapy but more of general counselling.
Yes, I agree itīs abandonment and as she gave me a couple of phone calls here during autumn I think Iīm going to ask her if the supervisor, who ended it all, or their manager didnīt at all think about me as a client?
I mean, what did they think I should do now? They knew I canīt get more sessions with my therapist nor within that church as they have a limit for the number of sessions given.
Yes, Iīm angry with her and also very frustrated and confused about why I as a client didnīt matter in the discussion they had. I mean, as she had already crossed the line, they could have given me at least a month to terminate.
I wonīt look for therapy as there are more or less no options. I see a psychiatric nurse and Iīll tell her about what happened as Iīll be too upset and too sad to just sit and pretend this with my therapist hasnīt happened.
Feelings are feelings and I agree it doesnīt help calling it transference even if I know part of it is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ididitmyway
First off, I am really sorry that you are in pain right now because of the loss of your therapist.
I've read most of your threads and it is my understanding that your last therapy was a mixed experience for you. Some parts of it felt good and were, probably, helpful while some of the things your therapist did caused you pain.
I also understand that your therapist eventually explained to you the reason why she had to terminate the work with you so abruptly. While I am glad she was honest with you, I think, she owes you an apology for this kind of termination. If I remember correctly, she knew that her time with you was supposed to be limited by the rules and, if that's the case, she should've told you about it upfront, in the very beginning. An abrupt, unexpected termination like this one is, actually, an abandonment regardless of the therapist's intentions, and, as such, it is traumatic for the client. So, your anger is perfectly understandable and legitimate. I am not trying to put some harsh judgment on her. I am just saying that it's perfectly normal for anger to come up in this situation together with the pain of the loss and other feelings. I don't want to focus on her wrongdoing because your question is not about that. I am just validating your anger because, I think, it's important for you to accept it as normal.
In terms of how to deal with this right now, I think, it's important to process what went on in therapy and what you are feeling about it now in any way you can.
I wouldn't immediately look for a new therapist though. I think, it's important to give yourself some time to process all this on your own to get some clarity on what you really need at this point of your life in general and what you need to get from therapy specifically. Even though therapy seems like a logical thing to start when you are hurting, in my experience, it's not a good idea to start a new therapy experience right after the previous one ended so traumatically for you. In some way, it's like going on a search for a new relationship immediately after a heartbreaking break up in a hope that a new experience will heal the pain.
Journaling helps in my experience. I also did some self art therapy when I was in crisis. I just basically allowed myself to be a kid and to do whatever I felt like with art supply. I'd dump paint on paper or canvas and play with it, I'd draw child like pictures with markers. Some interesting stuff would come out sometimes that would give me much deeper insight about my state of mind than any convo with a therapist would. Also, I am more fortunate than many people because I have one person in my life who is always willing to lend me an ear whenever I need to talk and that's my husband. But you can use PC as much as you need to process things here. I think, for the time being this will be much safer and healthier for you emotionally than embarking on a new therapy venture.
I also think it's important not to invest into trying to define your current experience as transference or anything else. It doesn't matter what to call it. What matters is that you are hurting and you need to give yourself time and opportunity to heal a little before you are in a good mental place to understand what you need to do next.
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