You know what? When I wrote this on Monday night, I was feeling emotional. But I'm still glad I wrote it and sent it. I was in acceptance that it was not a perfect letter. I put it in the back of my mind that I regretted alluding my feelings. Tuesday and Wednesday felt good, kind of like glitter. I did something that scared me, and survived. Including something that I regret, and it can be a learning experience if there's ever a next time. The good thing is that I am not beating myself up. I could. I could completely be like "why did I do that? I'm so stupid." But I'm not stupid. And I know why I did it. And good things DID come from this. It was in a sense, I big secret I was harboring, and I did not like keeping it. At all. I'm proud of myself for not outright saying "I had feelings for you." And no, I was not hoping for his friendship, or for him to want to date me. I will continue to work on dealing with my strong emotions in effective ways, but this was not a failure. In a sense, it opened things for me that were good, and that I have been wanting to cultivate: self and situation acceptance, self compassion, and connection with others (not him, but my real friends and my community)! I'm going to start my day now. Have a great day.