Bad day today. Panicked and depressed over money situation. Ate a trigger food this afternoon, threw it up. Usually I do not purge by vomiting. Actually, I wanted to purge that way in college (instead of over exercise), tried a lot but was never any good at it except with this one food.

Had disagreement with daughter, upset her and H. Petty really, mostly my fault. Had a bad panic attack, took low dose Seroquel, no help. Burned right hand still hurting a lot. Started period too. Moody but should not have let my daughter push my buttons. This constant pain in my hand is pretty bad, nearly a week later. IDK, maybe need to see PCP about it tomorrow; it is just not letting up.

Hopefully, tomorrow goes better. I feel like I am hurting all over, physically and mentally. See T tomorrow. Not an ED T, but I would have to drive 45 minutes for that, this T is not even a 5 minute drive from my house. She does CBT, which is the way I got myself out of the ED the first time around. Really need more of a catch-all T than ED specifically. My ED right now is my coping mechanism for stress, anxiety, panic more than the all consuming type can’t think of anything else 24/7 ED it was when I was in college. Let’s not forget the stupid mixed bipolar too. I feel like the mixed BP has me running and running around like a hamster wheel or something.