Katie Kaboom, I had a reply typed for you and somehow I deleted it. I have been switching at an all time high lately and maybe one of them did it. They really hate when I discuss things. But here goes the second time. My p-doc gave me the DID dx and he was the second therapist I saw. The first gave it too me too. It actually made me feel better to have a second opinion but that is not why I went to him. I needed a therapist I thought was better qualified to deal with all my dissociating. Therapy will bring about more switching and it is vital that the therapist is handling it correctly so that you learn how to contain yourself too. Mine has a great deal of experience with DID. He trained at one of the best places in the country. And even still it is hard sometimes with him. My perception is distorted and I make leaps that he is like everyone else. Those that did not believe me, or those that harmed me. I trust no one and he is included. Men or women. I have trouble with all.

Even after the DID dx, I still questioned it with him. One of my alters threw all kinds of crap at him, and he took it. He has taken me calling myself crazy and all kinds of things and he calmly deals with it while letting me know we are wrong and can trust him. Slowly I am beginning to trust him. The other day I switched three times to 2 different alters and then passed out. Way too much for my system I guess. Anyway, he deals with it well. All in all, that was a good session. Hard but good. Just realize that you resisting the DX is part of your alters trying to keep everything a secret too, IMHO. It is protection, secrecy is the name of game, at least for me. And part of it too is the fear no one believes you, as well as it is hard for us to believe ourselves when our families did not keep us safe in the first place. I told my therapist yesterday, I thought the real me had been killed years ago and that I was only left with fragments. That is all I really was, were fragments. he proceeded to tell me why I was wrong and I did leave feeling better. It is still too early in therapy for me to be able to keep that feeling long but since I felt it for a little while I trust in maybe feeling it again. So I understand. I think names are over rated too, for me it was all about the secrets. So a name was a name to keep us all safe. We said whatever we needed to get people to go away. So a name is a name unless we need people to go away. I don't think they are so important. I also think the experts have only scratched the surface of DID. IT is as individual as the individual involved. And that makes a DX harder. So don't beat yourself up. It sounds to me you have had it rough. And you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. It really does help to talk to each one inside your head. I have been doing that and it is a little better now. So do try it. It does work some. Not always but some. I have only 4 memories from my childhood. I am 49. Not much there you know. But I am having flashbacks. They are coming back slowly. and it is not pretty but if I am too try and have some control over this, it is the way. Something I have realize is that you must do some this yourself. And realizing that the dissociation saved you is the first step. And the second is that to continue it can have consequences. So to try and gain some control is important. I hope you get some therapy that helps. I would be happy to help in any way I can. I have realized some things in my journey to this point and I am happy to share in any way I can.

fragmented