I hear where you're coming from. I just want you to know that you are heard and understood, and I get it.

I was feeling that way recently. I very much regretted starting the recovery process because there's so many layers that I didn't realize were there and didn't want to deal with. I'm better about it now and I'm hopeful. I'm hopeful for you too. I know that it can sound so syrupy and perhaps unwanted right now, but I hope not (I totally understand that we just need to grieve sometimes and vent, ya know?). But, it really can get better. I pray that it does for you.

If you haven't heard of this book already may I suggest Pete Walker's Surviving to Thriving? I've found it invaluable for Cptsd survivors including myself. I've also found his website helpful: Pete Walker, M.A. Psychotherapy
as well as this one: Healing Complex Trauma & PTSD