Last night's session was pretty stupid. I cried a lot. I found it hard to express myself. There was a long period of 'radio static'.

I did manage to tell T about a dream I'd had about him, and we talked some about what would happen if I see him at therapy training events in the future. He said he would follow my lead in terms of how much he'd interact with me. It really hurt me to think of seeing him like that - how he'd be so close and yet so far away. I hope it doesn't happen. Or would it be worth it just to see him?

He passed me the box of tissues again (third time he's done that) and we discussed it a bit. I told him about the time that T1 had done it and what my thoughts had been then. He (again) said he wasn't quite sure what had been going on for him in the moment. Just that I'd seemed so incredibly sad and he'd really felt it.

At the end of the session I put my shoes back on and started to incredibly slowly tie my shoelaces. After a bit of struggling I realised what I was doing and remarked on it - "wow, I've never taken this long to put my shoes on before..."

T laughed and said he'd thought he was about to witness something entirely unique - a person tying a shoelace with one hand. I hadn't even noticed I was trying to do it with one hand!

I laughed too, and theorised that unconsciously I didn't want to leave, so I was making myself tie my shoelaces with one hand so that I'd be there all night (actually probably true). He said "good interpretation! I should try that some time."