I can relate to what happened for you last night artie, big time. I can also relate to how you'll probably be feeling by the time you read this.

It's okay. It sounds like you are going through a kind of personal awakening that you missed out on at the time a lot of people typically explore who they are. Be gentle with yourself. It is understandable to want to let loose and try to let go of the shackles of reality for a bit. In my experience alcohol never helps with that in the way I hope it will, but I think it's important to offer yourself a lot of empathy and compassion. You are struggling with what you feel you have missed out on so far.

I met my husband when I was a teenager and I didn't acknowledge my bisexuality until very recently. There is a part of me who feels I have missed out on exploring a big chunk of my identity. I do yearn to explore my sexual identity and also to explore my gender identity. I know it's painful, difficult and easy to resent life for its constraints and limitations.

It's okay that you got drunk and upset so don't worry about that. It's also okay that you want to explore this stuff, and I agree with the couchies who were online last night suggesting it's better to do that in a safe way that is true to yourself and your feelings. Though I absolutely understand the desire to just get drunk and lose control.

Take care of yourself.