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seesaw
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Default Sep 29, 2018 at 07:10 AM
 
Thought I'd join this thread. Quick backstory: I was a professional dancer and then an endurance athlete (hobbyist, but serious). I was a personal trainer at one point, I know all the ins and outs of nutrition and exercise, and was very healthy, physically, up until 2014 when all hell broke loose because of the bad reaction I had to psych meds. Very quickly I put on about 70-80lbs and the last few years I've struggled with. At first there was nothing I could do I had to focus on my mental well-being and dealing with the medication merry-go-round. Then in 2017 I started actively trying to get back to where I was, at least weight-wise, maybe not strength-wise, and I had lost nearly 30lbs before I lost my job and downward spiraled back into depression and put it all back on.

Fortunately, I will say that when I topped out at about 225, and got off meds, I haven't been gaining any, at all. My daily routine and attempts to eat healthy keep me very steady there. I have noticed that when I am extra careful with portions and healthier choices, that it starts to tick down the scale. Add on top of that regular walking, gets even better.

The problem I've had lately is that I used to be able to do this all on my own. I have plenty of motivation but my discipline for it, while I'm very disciplined in other areas, is very low, probably because I have to be so disciplined in other areas, it's like you can't push yourself on everything you are doing in life, right?

The last 3 weeks I have only had junk food once, and that was a stop at Wendy's in a hurry because I hadn't eaten and I felt disgusting and sluggish afterwards and felt adamant that I never wanted to eat there again. It just completely killed my productivity in the day, which means it's not useful to me to eat there. (Interesting how when it affects my bottom line my thought process totally changes. This is how I ended up quitting smoking so many years ago too!)

Yesterday I tried a kickboxing circuit gym. I had done kickboxing years ago and loved it. I enjoyed this gym so much I joined right on the spot. They were so supportive and nonjudgmental. I'm getting ready to go again this morning. They were great in allowing me to take it at my pace. They said just let us know when you need us to push you. At my level, which, even though there is muscle memory, there is no stamina or strength, so I'm doing the "granny" version of everything for a while until I feel some strength come back.

I have been doing good on my walking/hiking every day, but I really needed something with other people around to give me energy and keep me accountable.

My eating has been pretty healthy, but I haven't been consistently tracking, so I'm trying to track more carefully using my Fitbit app. I'm trying to stay between 1500-1800 calories a day, but I can go up to 2000 if necessary. According to the monitors I'm burning around 2500-2800 a day, and provided I eat the right foods, 1500-1800 calories does not feel like starvation. Plus I stay hydrated and drink tea, which helps fill me up.

I've also been adding a lot of spice and seasoning to my foods, and that has definitely helped get me fuller faster.

Thanks for this thread to share my journey.

Seesaw

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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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