Yes feileacan, I agree with you, I don't have the impression that OP is similar to me in this. What I wanted to bring across and probably it wasn't clear: the way it is received by another person can be similar if they don't know someone and their individual patterns and motives very well. My Ts misunderstood my email habit quite massively, especially the one who tended to get a lot wrong in general. The other one got it right gradually and just let me do it, probably much like you with your friend (and because he knew I had addiction issues, plus I think also some schizo-tendencies, it runs in my family).

The thing though is that it can still dilute the communication and/or make someone to strengthen their boundaries - there are so many stories here on PC about Ts changing boundaries, criticizing the client etc in response to excessive between-sessions reaching out. Or those who engage in erratic ways. That would not be too harmful for someone like me, but it seems to be for many people who reach out with a genuine desire for interpersonal engagement and encouragement.

Lrad, I also never crossed boundaries as a young kid as far as I recall. My parents did not set boundaries for me really, nothing I recall. I kept to myself a lot and typically waited for others to draw me out, but it wasn't because my parents limited me, just my choice. But I met a bunch of people in my teenage years who were quite unconventional and welcomed engaging with me in unusual ways. That pattern continued far into my adulthood, I was good at finding those people and got very used to not being subjected to conventional barriers that more traditional structures tend not to involve. So it was sort of a new experience when my Ts did not engage the same way, or not to the same extent, because they did as well, I was messing with them enough.

I do also think it is useful to recall what sorts of boundaries we had in our family of origin. My issue was that I had too little (along with any other instructions or discipline). That's a different problem. But I think those whose parents or other caregivers exposed them to too many and too strict limitations can be prone to craving breaking through those finally as adults, or at least probing whether it is possible. That is where intermittent reinforcement can become really frustrating and confusing, I think. For example, a T giving out mixed signals, sometimes welcoming (encouraging) reaching out but other times ignoring it.