(((Artie))) when i was in my CODA days, my gf told me i was passive aggressive and very manipulative, and i have to say she was more right than wrong - since then i have have overcorrected and become TOO assertive? Too direct? But before, it was kind of a result of a) thinking there was only one right way so the other person MUST be thinking the same thing and b) i couldnt HANDLE the truth - i was just too embarrassed to say stuff - like my gf used to hug me so tight i couldnt breathe, but i couldnt tell her that straight out!