I cut the contact with
Everyone after the incident
With my Mum And Gran.
The doctors were going
To let me go since
I was taking what
They recommended and
Could recover out With hospital.
But I couldnt sleep
Seeing as Gran was
Padding about the
Whole night. So
I took a doctors
Advice and took
Myself back to the
Safety of the rehab hospital
Where I could rest
And recuperate properly.

I went back to
Collect some clothes
And I would endure a cuppa.
My Grans chair was
In the middle of the
Kitchen pointed to the door, me.
When it was always
At the table. And
My mum directly
Behind me. So it
Was pre-hearsed, planned
When one of them
Knew I was coming.
My Gran stood at the
Kitchen window all day
So would have seen
Me arriving. And my
Mum said oh look
Who decided to
Show her face.
It's your fault
Your Grans hitting
The bottle. Then
My Gran went baaa
And started crying
Between puffs of smoke.
And when I picked
Up what I needed
I swallowed my pride,
And I told them
That I would jump
Through the hoops.
I was more than
Entitled to the help
That was available.
And I agreed to go
To the homeless hostel
Until a solution arised.
But luckily my district
Are amazing when it
Comes to helping people
In a crisis and I
Got a single person's
Temporary let because
I wasn't an addict and
I knew how to take
Care of myself
And it was In a more
Remote area so many
Would turn it down.
I went to the library.
I did my shopping.
And true to form,
I knew I hit the bottom,
When In a shop
My eyes went completely
Out of focus, in
A hypnotic state,
Where my surroundings
Just disappeared for
A brief 30 second.
I wasn't thinking
Of anything or in
A daydream. Just
A feeling of zoning out.
It happened after
My first breakdown
When I was at a games
Night at my aunt's.
And it made every one
Uncomfortable and I was
So embarrassed that
It happened in the
Midst of every one.
At The pub I was
Just too drunk and tired.