Wow. That is a tough situation. I don't know what I'd feel. Anger maybe at making bad choices and not giving conventional help a chance. I think I'd be in shock too. Maybe you will have to do something similar to going through stages of grief?
Hugs to you. 
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD
Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine,
There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
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