Hi niqa22. Hang in there friend. Your situation may seem hopeless right now but things can always change for the best.

Have you considered checking into rehab? There's a possibility they might be 12 Step based, but that's okay because you could also explore other options as well, within a safe, supportive environment? And once you get a little clean time under your belt things may begin to change for the better. I think it's worth some thought.