Quote:
Originally Posted by atisketatasket
Can’t we think one thing while having an ulterior motive that even we may not be fully aware of?
Which I don’t think equals “not a very nice person,” just like manipulating =/= bad.
And if defining yourself as a nice person is dependent on others seeing you as nice, then isn’t it still the same behavior? Could you ever be sure you weren’t doing things to get others to see you as nice?
Like Piaf’s business card said from Hamlet,
“This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”
Piaf’s true self turned out to be not very nice, but at least she didn’t hide it.
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I'm struggling mightily with the possibility of having motives that I am not aware of. Omg I must be a ****ing poster child for codependency. Shouldn't I get a t-shirt for that? Ha. My task first and foremost is to not sink into a well of self-hatred for it and instead feel good about myself for finally being willing to see it and work on changing it. Seriously though. I put so much effort and energy for so long into denying my sexuality, and now that I'm not hiding that anymore, I've freed up a lot of emotional resources to accept and work on this other ginormous thing. But it sucks. Hmm. Yes, this: that hating myself for unknown reasons like I used to - that was a whole lot easier than trying not to hate myself for what seems a logical reason.
I don't think I explained any of that very well.