I know I have a CPS case against me, but I've never intentionally abused my daughter.

However, I know my emotional fallouts affect her mentally. I got very angry with her this morning, yelling for what turned out to be no reason (see bipolar daily thread).

I feel like she trusts me less & less, and this morning, she was angry when I dropped her off at school, and I'm still panicky. It's a horrible start to the day.

I really hate myself and feel like I suck as a mother, that she got the raw end of the deal getting me as a mom. I'm sure she will tell H all about it, and then H will be upset with me, and he is already stressed out. Guilt just weighing me down

I try to control the anger or panic or depression, but usually I can't. Panic comes on immediately, and then I'm a mess, upsetting everyone in the family. My daughter never wants to do anything with me any more. We can't go many places because of finances, but she won't even do things like paint fingernails. She just likes to play computer & iPad games she and H have been doing for several years, and I can't figure those games out, especially as a lot of them are strategic games, and I just can't concentrate on it.