I don't want to assume and I don't know if you'll relate to this at all or if you're describing something completely different, but I found it to be very true for myself regarding my desire for attention from my therapist and other "adult" figures in my life ("adult" as in older than me/not someone I consider a peer, not as in >18)
It helped me understand and put into words what I was experiencing and feel less ashamed and alone. It also helped me communicate with my therapist about the difference between what it feels like I want and what I actually need/what would be beneficial to me in the long run:
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As best I can tell, these feelings are the result of experiencing a shortfall of “primal love,” that is, early, attuned, empathic attention from the primary caregiver. For different people it has different meanings, but it tends to be in the realm of the 24/7, total, unwavering devotion for which very young children experience an intense and very real need. The child has no doubt that the only possible solution to a shortfall is to get the grown up to take away the pain by fulfilling that need. This kind of loving connection is experienced as a life-and-death need, and when not met (or perceived as lacking), leaves a sense of something missing that must, somehow be fulfilled. If not that, then the child undertakes to satisfy the need with his or her own substitutes. This yearning can remain smoldering outside of consciousness for a lifetime. Therapy is like water to a dry seed. The yearning comes alive in the context of a relationship with someone who seems to understand and be willing to help.
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This unconscious combination of unmet needs, angry feelings and the values that hold them in check, leads to a number of strategies for substituting for needs and soothing the distress. They may not fully blossom till the teens, when their power is discovered. Food, cutting, bulimia, all kinds of sexual acting out, drugs, gambling, are among the symptoms, as well as repeated, unsatisfying attempts to find comfort in relationships.
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Children solve problems differently from grown ups. Their solution to any serious problem is to motivate the big person to solve the problem, meaning to take away the pain. Adults have a different approach. It is to analyze the problem and personally to take required steps to solve it in whatever way will work best. In the case of early life deprivation, the childlike solution is for the therapist to take away the pain by giving the love that was missing. On the other hand the adult therapeutic solution is to grieve what never will be and make peace with reality. This is obviously, not the answer a child would think of or accept.
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In addition, thinking in terms of an inner child encourages compassion and understanding rather than judgment.
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... These are tests, but there are two kinds, and it is not easy to tell the difference. One test is to see if the therapist’s boundaries are reliable. If the therapist bends his or her boundaries to accommodate, then the child concludes that the therapist can be coaxed into taking away the pain. From then on, all effort is put into getting the therapist to give more and to bend the boundary further. This kind of boundary failure is very hard to come back from.
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source:
Attachment to Therapist: A Primer
That is not to say that that applies to everyone, and the author wrote about other situations in which that kind of boundary flexibility could be a good thing. I just know that this is the case
for me and knowing this helps me communicate about my wants vs needs with my therapist and makes not getting the extra attention that I crave feel less like rejection. And it also gives me some hope that I won't always have this painful unfulfilled longing.