With my Ts I say " I know this is my insecurities talking but I need to check in and see how you think things are going" With T my concerns where her suddenly retiring. So I would ask her if she was planning to.

With my best friend she has figured out when I am feeling insecure about us. I don't know what I say but she can read between the lines. When this happens she will give me a hug and say something like I can't imagine my life without you..so you can't fo anywhere in me.

Hubby I come out and ask questions like wouldn't your life be so much easier without me and all my issues....or any yeah I know I suck as a wife right now. He reassures his life would be more complicated and miserable without me. He never wants to live without me. I think it helps that his mother suffers abandonment issues as well and depression. So he grew up with similar issues