We just have so much stress right now, and it makes life so much harder, whether you have MI or not. It definitely does not help.

I'm starting CBT with a new T; well, I've seen her maybe 2 weeks, and I brought this issue up at the end of my last session and also on the work she had me doing the past week to discuss at my appointment with her today. I hope this will be beneficial to me and allow me to think my actions before just a sudden reaction, which is my tendency. Yesterday morning was bad, but this morning just fine. I think it is hard on her knowing H & I are both very stressed, never knowing when I might get anxious or panicky (sometimes I have triggers but sometimes none that I can tell, just happens out of nowhere) or when H's day has been bad and he loses his temper with her (rare but it happens).

I have talked to H about therapy for our daughter, but he is against it. Also, we'd have to pay full price. I ran up the family deductible on the insurance, but each person has to run up $2500 before the insurance covers them. Obviously, I contributed over $2500 to the $7500 deductible with hospital, surgery, etc. (yes, it is horrible insurance they give teachers in TX). But my daughter has not run up any deductible on her account this whole year. It does fully cover 1 well child visit per year (mostly because I think the state wants to be sure all school kids get vaccinated if possible), and that is it for her. She hasn't been sick this whole year, not enough for a doctor's visit. She threw up in school once this year (just 1 throwup), they sent her home and that was it. She felt fine at home. I suspect she was not ill but that this was hormonal, PMS because she started her 1st period the following week. Fortunately, she tends to be a very healthy child. We are scraping pennies now.

I was much more bonded with her when it was the 2 of us at home while H was at work, before she started school or did much with computers and especially while still nursing. Also, we could afford to go places and buy things, or I could take her out to eat lunch at places she liked. Just can't afford anything right now, and she has much more homework, plus her school decided to do a late dismissal this year (3:45, so it is after 4 PM when we get home), which makes the after school routine harder.

I should have been more pro-active over the summer, but I can't go back and have a re-do. Right now, she is at a tough age, outgrowing wanting to play with toys but not quite ready to part with them and occasionally still does play with them. It is still hot here, so picnics are not fun, and even the park has a lot of mosquitoes despite the city's constant phone calls about spraying at night. She does not like to play on park playground equipment if she is the oldest kid playing (even if I get on it too and play) because she feels she is too old for it even though I tell her she is not.

I need to find new things to do with her, and she is super-interested in computers, programming, adept at using computer drawing programs, playing computer games, etc., and has already stated she wants to get a PhD in computer science when she grows up as well as a degree in math. I am more the English/book area type, and I can't do math as well as I used to. Maybe it's lack of practice, but I also lack concentration. H is very good with computers, programming, CAD, every computer program he has, drawing and making books on the computer, strategy games (which my daughter likes but are hard for me to understand and concentrate on).

First things first though. I need to work on not over-reacting with her or losing my temper/getting panicky when I get upset (sometimes with her), sometimes in general (stuff from the HOA, the sink leaking, just a bad day).

A lot to work on, unfortunately.