I definitely know I could be a much worse parent than I am, but I dwell a lot on the times I messed up, what I should have said or done better, having a similar relationship to her that she has with H who is a fantastic parent even all stressed out (and I think now having situational clinical depression and anxiety). He is able to keep it all in better, and my reactions to problems/incidents/things gone wrong, disobedience, ect. happen immediately.