Maybe it wasn't sabotage? Maybe it was self-protection?

I missed an appointment I really didn't want by mistake once. (I tend to be over-conscientious -- or else a complete rebel. This was therapy so I was consciously conscientious.) The T wasn't at all nice or understanding. That sort of settled things. I was upset and freaked out and felt hopeless and rudderless and that there was no safety anywhere. I left him and went to an assessment for an IOP program, and was accepted. (Perhaps not surprising since they could bill my insurance for it.) The program didn't really help with anything long-term, but I did feel fairly safe and hopeful (even if it was false hope) for a few weeks.