Quote:
Originally Posted by fille_folle
@here_today I don't know... when I said sabotage, I didn't mean that I had unconsciously did it on purpose. I more meant that my carelessness was to blame. I feel like I really needed that appointment, so this outcome was not good. A bit disastrous, really.
@weaverbeaver No, she's not Gestalt. I do think she tries to get me to do whatever I can to influence my situation, which is reasonable, but sometimes makes it feel like she lacks sympathy or empathy. However, I don't think she feels she would be doing her job if she just allowed me to wallow in helplessness without intervening to point out things that I do have control over (or that she perceives I have control over). I would define the situation as misattunement.
This is our exchange this afternoon. Maybe she is realizing that I'm actually depressed now. I'm a little worried that she thinks I was acting out, but oh well.
Edit: I don't know why the images were so small. This what it said.
Me: Can't come today. I'm sorry.
Her: Why? Are you coming back next week?
Me: Because I've been too depressed to do anything but lay in bed, and I didn't wake up until a minute before I texted you.
Her: I'm concerned about you and your depression. Hope you will come next week.
Me: I am concerned about myself, too. Part of the issue today was that Dr. Pdoc started me on another medication, Remeron, yesterday. I didn't know how it would affect me and that if I didn't set an alarm, I would be capable of oversleeping to the degree that I did. I've been resistant to trying anything that might make me gain weight, but now I am desperate because my bad thoughts have been increasing and I need that to stop. Better to be fatter than dead.
Her: I hope the medication will work, may need to increase exercise which would also be helpful for depression.
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Well she doesn't sound psychoanalytic but she seems a lot more than misattuned. She sounds inexperienced or not meeting you where you are at or something.
You have a harsh superego and beat yourself up a lot, but her words add to it. You can see a pattern in only a couple of posts of interactions. I wonder if this is a regular pattern for you both? If it is, wonder why she doesn't see this.
Conversation 1: express dissatisfaction about your job. She tells you you are not letting yourself enjoy it. Then as you said, you felt hopeless.
Conversation 2: you say you can't even get out of bed and too depressed to do anything. She mentions exercise in a closing line, giving you something else to beat yourself up about (perhaps later for not being able to get out of bed to exercise)
From my perspective, it does not sound like an empathy deficit. I get that she may not want to leave you wallowing in depression, but it sounds to me like she reinforces your depression and makes you feel more hopeless and powerless. If you already beat yourself up a lot, as many do, this approach will make it worse. Maybe it would be better if she could lend you some temporary strength to pull you out of this spiral.