For about thirteen years now I started being a part time caregiver to my dad. in the last ten though its gradually became more. More duties were put upon me. Part of my responsibility to him include paying his bills , helping him at home , getting suppers and soon it will be all meals into him, and he has rental properties that I have to look after also.One of those homes was my Grandparents home. Recently our renter bought a home , and I am in the process now of having to find a new one . I went to the home today. Knowing full well what happened there. I had asked my husband to go with me but he was to busy watching a movie and couldnt be bothered. He knew I needed his support, but thats all water under the bridge now. I walked in the house , to the kitchen . I remembered good things there. Grandma and my brother and me would make cookies and pies with her there. I think we had more fun eating them than making them .then I turned to the right and went into the living room , I remembered my grandpas chair by the small window. And how I would sit on his arm chair and put my arm around him and hug him. I looked on the other side of the living room, to the bedroom doors. I felt almost scared to go there. But I had the responsibility to look things over. As I took each step closer, I felt tears welling up. I was shaking and scared. I knew my brother wasnt there to hurt me. I knew my Gma wasnt there to put us in the same bed together to sleep . I dont know why to this day that she didnt let me sleep in the other room. I hate her for that. She had it in for my mom ever since she came into the picture. And that is what makes me think she did this for in a way . To get my mom back for taking her place after my dads first wife died and mom took over the home then . Grandma liked being in control of things . But anyways, I went in the room and I got out of there as soon as I could.I couldnt handle it. I remembered the abuse, my brother making me do things to him , and him to me. I wish I had someone there with me . I needed someone to tell me it was ok while this happened. Will I ever be over this? Will it ever stop having control over me , my life? I hate my responsibilities to my dad because of this. I can barely stand to be there in that home and now I have to show it to potential renters this week. How in the world am I supposed to do this?I havent had to show that place for 8 years now and that was a great relief to me. It has caused me to cut tonight too. Ohh help me please to get thru this week.

Tryin