What is it exactly? For me it feels like sad feelings of regret over mistakes I have made... at some point I have to face and own up to them and I didn’t do that soon enough... I spent too much time feeling angry and blaming others. I really regret that. I’m not doing that anymore... not now.

It also feels like giving up... or is it just acceptance?... Some things you hope for just never happen... I ask myself why I continue to try so hard? Seriously? Why don’t I just accept things as they are and let it all go... I am tired of working so hard at everything... spinning my wheels... Things are not going to change so why struggle so much?