I do go out and I "know" lots of people where I live. Today I met two acquaintances by accident and we talked for about an hour each person. I see people in one sense of another every day.
But I grew up effectively without a family and am becoming conscious that I never created one.
I tend to befriend people who are unreliable about sustaining friendships: one friend has a controlling husband and son. She will cancel arrangements or not be around or not pick up the phone, she's aware that her friendships suffer. I see that's her choice at this point in life and it's positive that she can maintain with such demanding family members.

Actually I have two close women friends who have controlling husbands who take all their energy, one younger and one older. The older one came to stay with me while h was doing a project away from home. Then he phoned and she had to run to him in a terrible state of mind and I had to help her because she was so upset.

I still like those people. I find them interesting and I don't find all people around me interesting enough to become close friends.

I suppose that I'm like them in that I don't sustain friendship long-term over the years. Either I don't build them deep enough, or I'm not resigned enough to people's differences and foibles, or I'm not sure enough about my style of life and my choices.

People come to stay with me for weeks at a time, and I like that but find constant presence of other people also tiring. I relax into a different state of me when they leave.

Don't know if that makes sense, but perhaps writing about it might help unconsciously.

I am starting to notice more... wake myself up to... people whose presence I enjoy... and for the first time I find myself holding back on sometimes deserved negativity because it's more fun to enjoy.

I didn't realise the reason that people hold back before - because sometimes - perhaps - someone is too much fun to call them out because they are always late, they don't answer their phone or such stuff.

I begin to notice how different people affect me. Not the screaming type of notice, or dependency, but just my preferences.

Ummmmm…. I also need to spend time listening to myself. I can have a pretty severe dissociation if I let my listening to myself time slide. In a close friendship that needs explaining?