It wasn't my drinking
That ended my chance
Of a shot at the big Time
In my sport.
It was the fact that
I knew I was done,
And I had achieved
More than I
Or anyone else thought.
That was ending.
That was then I
Went out more.
I never slept a wink
The time I wanted
To throw in the towel.
Because I needed
A drink to send
Me to sleep to shut
Out all the stresses
And strains of my life.
I attended college
When I could.
To keep my brain
Ticking over while
Desperately trying to
Uncover where it
Went wrong and why
I felt so repressed.
It wasn't just my
Strict up-bringing.
I could tell funny
Stories out loud
And talk about memories
Fondly or not so much
But why couldn't
I get things down
On paper but I
Could talk someone
Ear off or sing at work?
Splitting my time
Between all these places
Meant I didn't get
Too attached to anything.
I was speeding,
Down the line
And I de-railed.
Maybe I thought
There was something
Lurking that I was afraid
To discover. I didn't
Want to paint
Myself as a victim.
And I thought
That kids were
Resilient when recovering
From trauma. And
It was just
My teenage antics,
That messed me up.
So many strings
To try and tie together.