I am sorry you are so sad. Your sadness even though it is not about death is just as valid a loss as if you lost someone. If you are having thoughts of ending your life and you sense they are more serious there are crisis centers Another option is to seek out a therapist that specializes in Loss and Grief and or a support group.

It sounds like this is something you are working out inside but if you want to share feel free to. It is important to eat well and exercise. That helps the healing process I found.

Here are 2 articles that may be of interest.

Feeling is Healing Coping with Loss | Strength Over Adversity

The 5 Stages of Grief & Loss