As a child my mother struggled to take care of me on her own after my father walked out when I was 3. She made some poor choices, we bounced around a lot and I spent most of my time with my grandparents, but she worked hard to make sure she could support us. When I was 7 she had my sister thanks to drunken one-night stand. Shortly after she developed a pretty heavy drinking problem.
At the age of 8 I was taking care of my 1-year old sister while my mother was at the bar after work almost every day. Over the years the drinking grew worse and with it came a temper which lead to abuse. I raised my sister, took care of her and the home and our mother was never around.
With the weight of everything on my shoulders I was bound to make some poor choices myself and of course I ended up dating the bad boy in the trailer park, (yes, trailer park) and I’m sure you can guess where that lead to. If you guessed 17 and pregnant you would be correct! My mom’s reaction was very supportive, I had to leave and move in with the boyfriend and his mom.
And that is a whole different story for another time. The point is, from 8-present I’ve never had the chance to figure out who I am alone. Now married with 2 kids, I’ve always had to put others before me and make sacrifices for others. It’s always been about what makes someone else happy. Which I’m not complaining about by any means. I’m just realizing I don’t know who I am entirely.
Does anyone else feel that way? Or am I just missing something?