Quote:
Originally Posted by BudFox
A few that caught my eye...
- He is always attentive, attuned, active, involved and focused in our sessions
- He always validates my experiences and my feelings
- He has reassured me that he wouldn't abandon me as a client
In real life people are not so exquisitely understanding and validating and accepting. Like you say, therapy is a one-way street... but in real life it's two-way. I dont see the point in habituating to such a dynamic. I found this not only false but harmful and disorienting. Also since people tend to consumed by their own needs, if a therapist appears altruistic and selfless it means they are acting and concealing their true self, and that is not a basis for trust in my view (others might have a different view). Seems a significant number of people find the one-way thing to be like a drug, and can't get enough. My problem was that I trusted too much and didn't exercise normal skepticism and critical thinking, partly because of all the cultural and institutional pressure to "do therapy".
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If I work at a company, am I not showing my "true self" when I interact with my co-workers differently from how I do with my family and friends?
If I am a medical doctor, am I not showing my "true self" by not discussing my illnesses and only talking about patients' medical issues?
Where does the "true self" express itself more, in our relationships with partners or with friends? If we don't share some of the stuff we share with friends with our partners and vise versa, in which of those relationships we are more "true to self" a.k.a genuine?
Does showing the "true self" mean that we are supposed to act the same way with everyone regardless of the type of relationship, the social context, the specific circumstances?
And, what does "two way street" relationship mean as it applies to therapy? How would it look like? Does that mean a therapist is supposed to share their personal problems with a client just like a client does? Is that what makes it "two way street"? If yes, God save the clients from this two way equality. I was harmed by my last therapist because he exposed too much of his "true self" to me and because he introduced too much of the "two way" dynamics.
People always behave differently in different types of relationships. It's perfectly natural. As a society, we have established certain behavioral rules that depend on social contexts and personal situations. Just because a doctor or a mechanic or an accountant or a therapist don't behave the same way with clients as they do with family and friends, who are part of their "real life" (that's just as real as their professional life), doesn't mean they are being fake.
There are such things in life as privacy, appropriateness and common sense that dictate how we should behave in different situations. Yes, there are many parts of the "true self" (whatever that means) that are not normally shared with many people because it is commonly understood that we share more with those who are close to us and we share less with those who are less close and we share next to nothing with those we provide service to. This is just common sense that applies to relationships in general, not only therapy.