Quote:
Originally Posted by Miryuiki
I'm here for a loved one...
We are in a long distance relationship.. although, a month ago his alter broke it off with me and because I have BDP ( Borderline personality disorder), I had my own attack and only until now was I able to calm down and think logically...
But basically, a month and a half ago, my bf told me he had to give his ex a closure when she was in the country for an event where I was uncomfortable with it but gave in because he wanted to do so. Right before he was going to meet her, he got knocked on the head and robbed. Because I didn't know where he was the whole night, I had my own attack and led to us having a few cold fights where his alter told me that he never slept for a whole week because he was finding a way to patch things up with me. Right before he left, I got upset at night because I felt as if he may not actually love me and may still be in love with his ex... Only until recently did I recall his alter telling me that he lost his memories and that he recalls memories of his ex being his gf even though it was the past...
This new alter came the next day and I couldn't handle it because he didn't care for me, he didn't care for anyone and he just did whatever he wants to do which was to be with his ex as a friend and I don't know... It was messed up and I let my emotions get the best of me which allowed his alter to break up with me and said that he don't understand why his host would even want to be with me... I blamed myself and thought that if I never existed he wouldn't have to end up this way but now that I have a little more conscious, I just want to know if he will ever be back...
I talked to his alter a few days ago and he said that they haven't been talking to anyone and that the person I know is around but isn't who he is. He said that the him now is emotionless and heartless... I asked about the other alters because I remember one of his alters was with another one of my alter(?) but he told me that he shut off every other alter and that the host is all alone.. He said that he is making him depressed so that he would come back... I've been trying to find sources of how to help him but asides from being patient I don't know what else I can do... I really want him back and I really love him as a whole and every other alters he has... I blame myself for everything that has happened but I just really want to be happy with him... I asked his alter if me and him are really over and he said that he would love to say that there were no more chances but he could feel that the host still loves me... Would he come back... What can I do... I really just want to be with him but I can't because I'm miles away... Could someone give me some advice...
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long distance relationships are naturally hard. you dont get to see each other face to face as much as you want to, you dont get the closeness that being in the same room physically has, and misunderstandings naturally happens because each partner in the long distance relationship naturally goes through things that the other doesnt, not to mention no going on dates like to the restaurants, movie theaters, dancing and other things normally happens when two people are in a relationship.
Add to all the different confusing, questioning and wonderings about each other while not physically together. like did they flirt with someone else, did they do this or that with someone else. who is in that persons life when Im not, I wish I had gone to that event too....
Add to this two people with alternate personalities. being DID and taking care of one self is hard enough but trying to care for a second person with a mental disorder is the makings for a disaster sometimes. this one goes through their mental problems then that one and sometimes both end up having mental problems at the same time. when one isnt having problems they are too busy keeping their self on track that something ends up lacking where the relationship is, then the other has their problems which makes it so that they cant attend to the others problems in the most positive ways sometimes.
I could go on and on about long distance relationships and mental disorders. my wife and I both have jobs that require traveling, and we both have our respective mental and physical health challenges.
what Im saying is that its hard even under the best of situations. both persons in the relationship must be 100% percent committed to making the relationship work. If they arent a the relationship will not last whether or not its a long distance one or a face to face local one.
your post says he broke up with you.
it doesnt matter whether it was the alter or the host that did the breaking up, it happened. that the facts right that you and this other person are no longer a couple.
most couples regardless of mental disorders take time to grieve the lost relationship and then when they are ready they start seeing other people. and sometimes if it was meant to be, later on down the road those that have broke up, no longer a couple decide to start seeing each other again. start going out on dates again, and eventually start being intimate together again and in some very rare situations that I know of the newly re- coupled people marry and have a family together.
my suggestion is since you and this other person are no longer a couple, take time to grieve the loss of your relationship, find things that you like to do, see a mental health treatment provider for your own issues and mental disorders, become more healthy and stable in your own life with your own daily living and mental disorders. and move on in your life. then maybe someday when you are ready re enter the dating scene, take time to find out what you enjoy as a single person. (short and sweet you cant be good for another if you are not good with and for yourself)
maybe someday when this other person has more stability and more mentally healthy they too will be ready for re entering the dating scene, based on what they want out of life and intimacy / closeness with others.
then maybe some how some way your two more healthy and stable paths will cross and meet. and then you both can see whether you two want to re- couple, start sharing a not long distance life together.
hopefully I have answered all your questions of what to do, will he come back to you and others from your post. it was quite a long post.
