I had a lot of fun with my daughter yesterday. We went to an Apple house located in the middle of an apple orchard and had hot cider and hot apple dumplings with vanilla ice cream. After that, we went to a pumpkin patch and took a wagon and clippers and cut our own pumpkin. Finally, we went to a movie. Going to hang out today carving the pumpkin and baking pumpkin seeds and casseroles and then she’ll head back.

I’m doing exactly as my pdoc recommended. I get out almost every day even if it’s just to run errands and actively seek out activities and opportunities to build a more meaningful life (I just signed up for a 6 week drum circle). I write down each day everything I’ve done that day to reach that goal. This has been really hard and I’ve forced myself to do it. I don’t want to do anything.

I see much improvement during the times she is at college. The leaving after she has visited home, however, leaves me with crushing depression and everything seeming meaningless for several days and sometimes weeks. It’s frustrating and frankly embarrassing that I can’t get a better grip of the situation. So is the fact that I only sleep well when she is at home. Why can’t I get over this? I am very grateful that we have such a close bond...just frustrated with myself.

Best wishes to everyone on this Sunday.