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Old Oct 07, 2018, 05:29 PM
Anonymous47864
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Quote:
Originally Posted by G lady View Post
Sisabel - I definitely can relate on this. I got married young (21) and started having kids almost right away. So the early years were about the kids, getting established, etc. Once the kids were in school, I started working toward a career that was pretty intense (required full time work plus exams over a period of several years). In many ways, it was a very good career move but I have now realized that I never developed the kind of friendships that I need. In fact, I would go so far as to say I never really learned how to make friends. Sure, I had lots of great coworkers I got along wonderfully with, and I have lots of acquaintances. But there's nobody who calls me or who I call to go shopping or to an event or who comes over for coffee. I've been trying to develop that, but it's a little weird. People don't expect a 50+ year old woman to not have friends, to not know how to make friends....


What adds to my difficulty is that my husband and I don't share any interests. We don't do things that I like doing. I've not given up, but if feels like we've talked about this dozens of times and nothing really changes. I've giving him some space as he works through some other issues but I need to get him to understand that I am not getting what I need from him. Again, I now understand that getting married and having kids so young had a price - that we did not develop common hobbies and interests. I'm a little afraid of discussing this again because I don't think he has any idea how lonely I am sometimes and I'm afraid when that comes out it's going to be intense. The point is not to make him feel bad, and that would, the point is to get him to understand and to be willing to find something that we can enjoy together. I have suggested numerous things but I feel like they always get pushed aside and nothing changes....


G Lady... I can do relate to what you wrote here. The other day we talked about this again... and I started crying and could not stop. Hubby was surprised I have been feeling so lonely. He cannot understand why I would want friends. He says most friendships are superficial anyway and he doesn’t understand what I would get out of a friendship. I didn’t know what to say. He just doesn’t get it. I have given up that he and I would ever have a social life. He’s been offering to spend time with me lately. He doesn’t usually do that. He’s a good husband but he’s pretty much a loner and while I’m quiet and not necessarily an extrovert, I’m also
not a loner.