Sorry for the long response! But I don't blame you for saying it "doesn't change anything." It sounds like he was abusive a good chunk of the time. I don't know if he was physically or emotionally abusive, but using your bank account etc to pay for porn and hook up with women is one form of abuse. (My grandfather, from 5 years before he died up until his death, used my GRANDMA'S bank account to pay for clothes, makeup, etc. for other women. He also used it to buy moonshine when he used up all his money. And well, my grandma had dementia, so she didn't understand until we caught him ourselves. )

I don't mean to be offensive at all when I say this, because I want to be helpful, but in my experience, a lot of people are "regretful" only when it's too late. That's how my grandfather was. I don't think he would have been so sorry if he didn't get caught, because he did it for at least 5 years, possibly more. He wasn't sorry the entire time he did it, but suddenly he was "sorry" once he was caught. Maybe your bf is different, though. Just giving you something to consider if you ultimately decide to get back together.

But, for giving ourselves closure, sometimes (but not always) the best thing we can do is forgive but not forget. If we cling onto the abusive behavior etc. (and believe me, I was abused myself), it only drags us down and hurts us further. I'm not saying it is an easy road to travel at all, because even things severe like PTSD and severe C-PTSD take years and years to overcome, if at all, but when we are finally ready to give ourselves closure -- perhaps through years and years of therapy? -- we, for the most part, find ourselves at peace. We may have flareups from PTSD or C-PTSD, but we must work to find closure somehow, however that may be, even if it doesn't involve forgiving.

I know some people here will disagree, but for me personally, forgiving helps give me some closure. Sometimes people do very stupid, careless, or innocent things without thinking, which is why I forgive them. But if forgiving is too difficult, perhaps because someone did something so evil, we should consider finding ways to release that frustration and anger.

My grandfather was possibly also responsible for my grandma's early death. He ignored doctors' suggestions to get her evaluated for "possibly dementia." He ignored it for years (since 1999) and hid all the paperwork from her because he thought they were wrong and a bunch of money grabbers. (We found all this paperwork after my grandfather's death when cleaning out their house.) Then only when my grandma "lost it," in his words, did he tell us to do something about it. (And yeah, he told US to deal with it, not him. Nice, right?) We could have possibly extended her life by a few years if she could have taken Aricept (which is a med that slows down brain degradation due to dementia and alzheimer's). By the time she started taking Aricept, though, it was too late. Wasn't effective.

At the time, it f***ing pissed me off that he would do that, and I felt that way for a while after my grandma's fast decline, but the best I could do was forgive him for his asshole behavior because he obviously didn't realize what a terrible thing he had done. I know that he would have NEVER wanted her to die an early death, so I call that ignorance and stupidity. I know I sound angry right now, but I'm currently just expressing my feelings at the time. But I've forgiven him for his stupidity, selfishness, carelessness, and ignorance. That's what it really was. It was not evil behavior; he just thought he knew better when he obviously didn't. Though again, if you have PTSD, your form of closure may be different.