I'm just getting it out as if this were an entry in a diary. I love that I have support here for these times since I don't really have any in-person friends at the moment to talk too.

So, I'm thinking that I will write my brother in December. It will be our 30th birthday then. I don't really celebrate them but thought it would be nice to let him know I still care and haven't forgotten about him. He's my twin after all. If I wait until December it would be three months since we talked.

I've absolutely needed time away from him, my grandmother, and my family (though he hasn't necessarily been respectful of that). I was also thinking I might call my grandmother to see how she's doing. I'm not sure if I want to go that far (maybe just a text).

The thing is...am I opening up a can of worms by getting back in touch with them? I've been doing so well not talking to them. All that comes with them is drama and problems. Would I even be ready to talk to them again? If they haven't changed then what? Would I be setting myself up to be hurt by them again? Hmm...do I need to prepare myself to live the rest of my life without my family? What would that mean?

Maybe I'll just test the waters by sending him a letter in December. I can let him know that I still don't want to talk, but I'm open to writing letters. At least that way I can get a feel for where he's at and take my time in responding. I find it easier to get out what I want to say when I write anyway. Oy.