I’m not an expert and no one can diagnose anyone here, but I think you’re showing some symptoms of C-PTSD due to the ongoing abuse that happened to you in past. Something to talk about with your therapist if you’re in a therapy. Here’s the link about C-PTSD, see if you can relate. Sending hugs

Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) — Out of the FOG