You don’t want to take medicines as you might become dependent on them yet you’re using weed to cope? Don’t you think people can be dependent on weed as well? Something to think about.

As for “there’s nothing bad happens right now but when I’m upset I want to die”, sadly that’s how depression works. Clinical depression is not the same with situational one, it doesn’t need reasons, it just happens. I’m sorry you have to go through this