Finally made a stupid doctor's appointment for this stupid indigestion, granted all that I did was push a follow up a week. This caused a giant fight in the house between my father and I. He
doesn't understand my diagnosis and why so many different medications haven't worked for me.

He thinks I should just have the doctor put me on a heartburn medication instead of completely going of the Seroquel. Meanwhile I want to be on less medication not more medication. He thinks I am nitpicking the medications so I can just switch and try them all so I can put off finding a job. I want a job, but at the same time I don't want side effects or I want mild side effects that eventually go away. I couldn't handle muscle spasms and I certainly do not want to eat half a bottle of tums in a week and have bad belching like a frat guy. He thinks I'd be massively stupid to switch my medication. Meanwhile I feel depressed when he makes me feel like this is all my fault because I can't get along with my medication. He even went so far to say I might be exaggerating my side effects to make them seem worse than they are.

I want nothing more to go back to work, but I can't realistically go back to work without finding something that works. He doesn't understand that I'm still not right and every little thing upsets me here lately. I'm just irritated with everything here lately and I feel like I'm a thorn in my doctor's side. It feels like I do good for a month then the next month I feel like I've taken three steps back with everything. I'm also sick of this anxiety ever since those three panic attacks my Buspar feels like it's stopped working.

Sorry about my rant, I'm just really frustrated with this disease and how only the boyfriend and this forum is on my side. My father just refuses to listen to us, and refuses to even do a quick google search about Bipolar. He's never heard of a mixed episode and refuses to believe me about the medications and how a lot of people have to try a lot of medication to find one that works. It's hard because I can't find a psychiatrist that wants me and the my family doc is basically acting like my psychiatrist, and to make matters worse if I ever did find a psychiatrist that wanted me, my father doesn't think my disease is serious enough to evolve a psych. I'm just exhausted with him.

I hope everyone is doing well.