Quote:
Originally Posted by KnitChick
I need to preface this by saying that I do not like talking about being in a residential program. People get so confused and they really need not be lol. I'm functional and I am in a residential program. The end, lol. it's better than living at my parents house, and I'm making steps in bettering my life, this is a step in that process. Anyway, I guess I feel a bit insecure talking about it. Even though I wouldn't judge anyone else living in a res. program!
Ok:
The assistant manager of the residential program I'm in resigned and found another job I guess. She never told me though, that she was leaving, and I found out through a worker of mine. I felt so hurt. Why didn't she tell me she was leaving? It may seem small, but I thought we had a working relationship even though things were going smoothly for me, so I didn't have to talk to her much anymore. So for her to not tell me that she was leaving, really hurt. I felt hurt. I feel like my trust was broken. Like I don't trust the program anymore. I have struggled on and off with the workers in it, and it makes me wonder if I'm hated.  that;'s a really awful thought to have. I have been wondering this stuff since I found out about a week or two ago. What did I do? Did she not like me? I thought she respected me more than that.
However, she is only 23 years old. That's a very immature age, I don't care if she's an assistant manager or the queen of england.
I had a thought earlier, that if someone said to me "it sounds like they're a bunch of idiots," (Meaning the residential team), I'd feel a lot better! I sometimes think that. I mean I have had a few issues with them. Including the worker who was a chronic liar, and this particular assistant mgr, too. Once I complained about her to a higher up. But I was civil about it. And I was nice to her about it too.
But there are nice people in the program too. My current workers are pretty amazing people. I do wonder if some of them only think of their job as a job though, and not relationships with people who they are serving.
I think I was just really...thrown. When I found out. I think I just thought that I was worth telling. So it made me question my relationship with her and look back at things like, maybe we weren't as close as I thought (we really were not close at all. I don't know why this bothers me...but it does. I had a lot of interactions with her). It just seems unprofessional and unkind.
But it's her decision, really. And I don't know the particulars. I don't know what happened, but maybe she didn't tell other people either (I'm taking it personally, but it may not be). Maybe she has a hard time with goodbyes. Maybe she is an immature *****. Maybe it's her right and for whatever reason, she just chose not to. Maybe she DIDN'T like me. I'd heard things from others. In the beginning when I first moved in last year. She was upset that I requested to not work with someone. She didn't think I had that right.
Anyway. I'd really like to look at this from a bigger place. A more mature place, lol. It just hurts and made me question things, and I need to vent. |
Feeling alone is part of being human. I've been married for over thirty years, have two adult children and I still feel alone sometimes. I know this doesn't sound positive. I'm just saying you can feel alone in a room full of people, because the right people aren't there. Or the right people aren't there for you, as they are preoccupied with something else. And you feel let down or let go of. We all have ways of coping with what we face. When someone leaves, such as what happened to you, it's a huge letdown, perhaps feeling more like abandonment than let down. Perhaps it even feels like betrayal.
I've had numerous people, whom I thought were my friend, turn out to be merely polite to me. I think many people, whether they work in a place, such as what you describe, or they are merely clerks in a grocery store are completely focussed on their own lives. Do they care about those in their care? I think the answer is: some do, some don't. Those who do care, care on a varying scale. I've had four people who I thought were my friends, make it very clear to me we were never friends. It stung, I couldn't believe I thought were were friends. But I think this is the state of the world right now. People are just trying to cope with what they have on their plate. And that means they aren't focussed on others, such as you and I.
I also wonder if it's against some kind of program policy to inform you they were leaving. It may have been beyond their control, which means it wasn't personal. I don't think anyone would leave their job over a single person. So I think what you experienced was random. But you do sound stronger than you think you are. At least that's what I see. I think it comes down to getting used to how things are right now. Then it changes and you have to get used to something new. FYI, no one likes that, it's not just you. Almost everyone dislikes it when things change. Perhaps part of what you face right now is to develop the ability to be okay with whatever you face. It's a life skill. If you are smart enough and strong enough to seek help online like what you've done, then you are more resourceful than you think. Best.