i definilty do not credit the relationship with my T as to what healed me. when i first started therapy, i thought it would be the relationship with my T that healed my attachment issues...that is what everyone was saying was suppose to happen, clients on the forums and therapists in their books, that i was suppose to form a 'secure' attachment to my T so i could work through my issues and heal my deep wounds. but the relationship with my ex-T never got to that place...it was always ambivalent in nature at best. and because of all the push and pull from me and the inconsistency from my T, the relationship never could reach that pinnacle of safety that one should experince in a secure attachment. it became nothing more than a reenactment of my past abandonment fears playing out over and over again, stirring up my transference reactions or my ex-Ts counter-transference towards me.

it wasn't until after many hurts and frustrations and as my transference started to fade because of the neurofeedback i was doing, that my disillusions of my Ts abilities and what he could offer started to fade and i could clearly see that my T was never realistically going to be able to meet or heal my attachment needs. especially, not in the limited way that therapy and the relationship is set up, with limited time each week and all the boundaries that go along with it. that is why i started to seek healing in the relationships in my real life. my husband could realistically provide me with the support that i was needing, including being here by my side witnessing much that was going on inside and outside of therapy sessions. he could give me the physical holding in those times of need or just because, because he truely cared, and i knew he did...i didn't doubt or question his level of care like i often did with my T. i trusted my husband and because of that, i was able to form that secure attachment with him while i worked through my issues. in regards to my T, the attachment i buillt with him became one that was 'good enough'. although i never fully trusted him (like i did my husband), i did get to a point where i trusted myself enough to know i could continue to work with him and it was ultimately going to be my decision as to when to end therapy and working with him.

also, what i found to be the most important aspect to assist in overcoming my abandonment fear was working on the interpersonal relationship with myself. it was through this work (when i started doing neurofeedback) that i was able to bring the fragmented and dissociated parts (including the wounded child parts) of myself together to where those parts were able to accept one another and begin to work together more as a unified team/whole self instead of existing in conflict and always contradicting each other. it was at this time, i finally came to love myself and fully believe that i was worthy of love. i did much of this work on my own, without the help of my T, in the internal world in my head and heart. it is what felt right for me to do when i was doing my NFB therapy. it turns out that a popular truama therapist has written a book about a similar concept that was released recently that i have been reading. it is called 'Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self Alienation' by Janina Fisher.
Amazon.com: Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation eBook: Janina Fisher: Kindle Store

i've heard others who have found the concepts she writes about to be very helpful for their healing as they work their complex trauma/ developmental truama issues and i would strongly recommend reading it to help you work through your abandonment/attachment issues, whether you continue seeing a T or not.