That is the reaction I still have when I am working through My molestations. I think You were actually in a state of shock. Now, I call it being triggered. It is like I can lose time and I get "scatterbrained"

There are a few times as I have been working through My molestation stage that I have realized that Sometimes the Perpetrator Has flying monkeys that helped facilitate the abuse.

An example of that would be My Grandmother calling My mother inside to help cook dinner while leaving the victim (me) alone with "Step Grandpa." As a child, I did not understand that but looking at the picture going back I am pretty sure "Step Grandmother" was his flying Monkey.

Do YOU think that You can confide in ANY OF YOUR FAMILY? Do You think anyone else is getting raped, molested by him? How about his daughter YOUR cousin?

I do respect Your option to NOT tell anyone but I am also worried about who his OTHER victims are! I am worried about You also being put in some position again for him to attack YOU! Child Molesters/rapist have many victims before someone IS REPORTED>I understand that You might NOT want to report it to the authorities. Do consider reporting it to a trusted member of the family. After the first time, a person rapes You it only gets easier for them to repeat their actions.

You need to take some time thinking about YOU! You might want to tell him if he touches You again You are going to report it next time. Think about boundaries that You can set and stick with. Try and write in a journal of sorts to validate what happened. You will find that will help You to process what happened to You.