I was originally diagnosed 17 years ago after a hospitalization and being stabilized on lithium and welbutrin, after two years stable, holding a job and going to school i moved in with my fiance then and went off meds knowing we were having unprotected sex. I was okay and stayed stable off meds had 2 kids and got scared i wouldn't be a good mom and went on a lamictol maintenance dose.

Lamictol caused fatigue and blurred vision, we moved twice and i just never set back up with a new Dr. For years now i was convinced i wasnt really bipolar and kept getting tested for everything under the sun thinking my fatigue was from having mono as a kid or auto immune or connective tissue disorder or chrons or allergies and I've tried different diet and ways of eating to get my energy back but my anxiety got worse.

Now I'm back in a severe depressive episode and Its like meeting an old friend and having her punch you in the gut for something you did years ago. I remember being here 17 years ago this sever and how it felt. Now that Im looking in hindsight over the last 5 years I think I was going in and out of hypomanic and mild depression states where id feel fantastic and super social for year then tired and sick and I'd cute myself off from friends for a year.

Being this depressed again- Its like remembering what hole in my chest that emptiness and sadness from 17 years ago and now i feel like an idiot- i could have been on meds this whole time and stable and suffered through the last decade but especially the last 5 years. I think the lamictol prob just wasnt a big enough dose or maybe i needed lithium again with it. Please dont go off your meds I feel like I waisted a decade suffering trying to do my best through something i could have been on medicine for and thriving. =(

Now Im with a new psych and shes been putting me through all these tests starting from scratch and its been a month and i'm still not on a medication yet. She plans to put me back on lithium but wants an EEG now...