Im not okay. Im really really sick and hangin in there till my new psychiatrist gets me back on medication. Im trying to avoid interacting with my kids friends parents because I dont want to be weird and its too hard to act normal right now. Luckily i dont get ragey- when i was younger my mom suffered with this too but used to rage and rage and it was very hurtful and damaging I just get sad and go to a very dark place that leave my chest hollow. I'm pretty good at giving myself space when im not right but this is the first time my depression has been this severe in over a decade. I feel like an idiot for thinking i wasnt bipolar when for years i had accepted it and told myself I'd never go off meds. My husband was home and did a lot with the kids and luckily their teens now so their very self sufficient but Im reading in my room in bed and on the computer distancing myself. letting them watch more TV and do more video games than usual. I have a psyche apt tomorrow but im doubtful she'll let me start meds she wanted an eeg first but they couldnt get me in till oct 18th. I feel very stuck and mad at mysellf. So im sick. If anyone asks I have the flu- a 18 month long flue. Im not suicidal i think ive hit the bottom of how low this is going but its hard.