Hi everyone. I am a 17 (almost 18) years old guy who moved with his biological father less than a year ago. From the age of 4 until the age of 17, I was often beaten up by my step father and most of the time it was for no reasons. He was a drug addict during his adolescence and he have to take medication every days, the moments when he would beat me up were mostly moments when he tried to stop taking his pills or simply forgot. He would usually punch me very hard in the stomach (up to the point where I could not breath anymore), grab my shirt and raise me in the air, yelling at me, his face very near to mine. He was very intimidating and, although I did not see him in a while, I still often make nightmares where he beats me up and yells at me for no reasons, throwing objects at me, etc. He really did this for no real reason, I remember one time he just threw me against a wall and yelled "stop provoking me", whith his face right next to mine.

I want to forgot him completely, I want him completely out of my life. We currently live on a separate continent but I still hate what he did to my childhood. He told me he was sorry but I seriously do not care, I think a part of me hates him (I was told it was wrong but I can't really change my feelings about him...) and my life would be better if I could simply forget everything he did to me. I always thought I was doing something wrong, all the time. Just typing this makes me want to cry as I remember all the details... sorry if this post doesn't really makes sense and please excuse my non-native English skills.