An old family friend thinks he'll be dangerous in a way of being overprotective when he gets out. She has a nephew that threatens (and has beat up) every man his mom dates...she thinks my brother could end up being that way with me. She even joked that I better get married before he gets out so he doesn't have a chance to disapprove of someone I'm dating lol. She said to move and not tell my family I even left. When they wonder where I went we joked that I could send a postcard from a P.O. Box lol. They could call but only from a random location...I'll only take calls from such and such place at 12 pm on Thursdays not a second later lol.

But, all joking aside, I'm honestly not sure if he'll be safe to be around. He was very violent before he went in when we were eighteen. He pulled a gun on my uncle and was ready to shoot dad (all of this when we were teens and he was really living a thug life). I mostly stayed away from him then. He did get upset one time when I was talking to some high school friends on the phone and pulled the phone chord out of the wall while I was talking.

He's often in the hole. Mostly for fighting. He's only got three years left and seriously needs to get his head on straight.

What worries me most is that people still want him dead (for who he was on the streets and for "snitching" on a another inmate who's now on death row...that was a huge concern for me when I moved back home six years ago. some people come after families), that he's not going to have changed and will still be in that criminal lifestyle (which could be likely. I get that it's prison but even prisoners make choices to stay out of the drama as much as possible. he's not making an effort to just walk out his sentence and do better. still caught up in being a thug. there's been some growing up for him, but he's still got to have what he wants when he wants it), and he's said some things to one of his "girlfriends" about how he has people on the outside who can come looking for her. The truth of that is doubtful. Seems like he was mostly joking...and if that were true he'd get help from these people not me most likely.

You know what...I just sat and really thought about what I just wrote. It makes me sad. Score one for me for not being in denial about how bad things have been in my family (and continue to be). This is sad.

I was going to say that he's been respectful of my request to be left alone, but he hasn't. At first he said he understood when I asked then had some excuses for why he just had to call me. I poured my heart out in an jpay email and I could tell he still didn't get it. He kept having his latest potential baby mama constantly text me, and she was cussing and stuff. I asked her told her I needed to be left alone, but she lets my brother tell her what to do.

I told my brother that I needed a month to not talk to anyone. After not really respecting that he did leave me alone the rest of the month (this past September). And sure enough, my family friend said that he would be calling on the first watch and see, and here he was. I told him I needed more time. Here he has this potential baby mama calling me again about how she got robbed for her purse and if I could put 5 or 10 on her phone so he could call. He didn't want her to leave the house, but she could drive over and pay me back. I had to tell me again that I wasn't ready to talk and had to tell this girl to stop contacting me.

Everything with him (and my family) is drama. Everything.

I'm sorry this is longer than intended. When I stopped to think about it it all just came pouring out and I just started typing away. I'm a little angry but mostly sad. I'm working my way through all of my denial about this situation and the trauma suffered.

I'm sorry I don't even know what I'm getting at anymore. But yeah...I honestly don't know if he would be safe to be around. If I'm honest with myself...and this is hard for me to admit...I wouldn't want to be around him at first when he's out. I would have to see that he's really changed.

Wow, avlady. Great question.