Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzybear
T1 did not try not to mess up. And did not own his mess ups. Very much like my parental units who messed up, let me down, abused me.. far more than the “average” parent who is good enough.
As T1 messed up repeatedly, didn’t own his shortcomings, and forced a termination at a time I particularly needed therapy...
. . .
I had thought of going back for one session. But I’m now thinking I won’t. This T had a destructive narcissistic pattern which he showed to me in multiple hurtful words.. and acted it out. I guess part of me had thought he might have
changed, matured somewhat. . .
. . .
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I had what might be called a "narcissistic family" but, as you said about T1, they did not try to mess up. And I believe I ended up "selecting" a bunch of T's with narcissistic tendencies -- but they certainly didn't help me to identify that pattern in me and it took an awfully long time, and some clues from other people on this forum, for me to start to "get" it.
I wouldn't look to go back to T1 thinking that he might have changed. He could have but he might also not have. If you feel that you have the internal strength to withstand most of his narcissistic c...p if it comes up, then it might be interesting. Perhaps get a better sense of the dynamic?
There may be some decent therapists out there who would be good listeners, I don't know. Maybe it would help to ask them if they think they are, or can be, if you go to interview any? They might not, but at least you will have gotten what you expect/want out on the table for discussion.